The Lie
by bellaBBblack
Summary: One lie changes everything. Three words and Bella's whole word is flipped upside down. Set end of Eclipse.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

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Chapter 1

"She's not safe here," the doctor said. His voice was grave with truth and warning.

Jacob struggled to sit up. His bones were still mending, and the painful process had him groaning. He tried to hold on to his rage, to rebel against what he was suggesting.

"No."

"Jacob," Carlisle reasoned. "She can't stay here. They _will _come for her."

"I can protect her," he argued.

Edward, who had been quietly observing in the corner, stepped forward.

"Jacob, if the Volturi come, _and they will come_, they will bring an army. Even together, us and your pack will not be enough. They will destroy _all of us_."

Jacob struggled to keep his face stoic, but inside he felt horror stricken at the image of that war. Yet, his wolf, that other part of his being was salivating at the idea of battle.

Guilt churned in his gut. _Was he being selfish wanting her to stay in Forks?_He'd hoped maybe he could still change her mind about becoming one of them.

Even if she never chose him.

There was silent war being waged inside Jacob, tearing his heart, his thoughts, his resolve to ribbons.

"Where?" he asked, pushing the word through gritted teeth. Nothing about this situation felt right.

"Florida," Edward said. Jacob raised his eyebrows in surprise. "With her mom."

Jacob frowned in confusion. _How's his sparkly ass going to go there?_

"I'm not going," Edward answered Jacob's silent question.

"Who's going to protect her then?"

He hated to admit it, but at least when she was with Cullen, he knew he'd protect her.

Well, from everything but herself.

"The only way she'll ever be safe is away from all of this."

An image of Bella, sad and broken, resurfaced in his mind. It had been physically painful for him to see her like that when Cullen had left her.

Edward winced. "She broke up with me already, Jacob."

Jacob's eyebrows shot up in surprise.

"This morning."

Now that Jacob looked at him, he looked as broken and defeated as Jacob felt himself.

But that didn't mean a part of Jacob wasn't silently happy. Even if she had broken his heart, at least she wasn't going to marry _him _and die. Hope bubbled up inside him.

"They know about the wolves Jacob. She can't stay here."

Jacob sighed. "Okay, Cullen, I get that. But if you and she aren't getting hitched, and she already told me-"

"She won't leave unless..."

Edward trailed off, sharing a glance with Carlisle.

Jacob's blood went cold. All his sore muscles were suddenly rigid and tense.

"Unless what?"

"If she thinks you didn't make it," Carlisle revealed in his quiet but certain voice.

Jacob wanted to burst out of his skin. "You're going to tell her I _died_?"

Jacob looked between the two vampires. Both their faces were completely serious. He couldn't help the disbelieving laugh that erupted from his chest.

"Bella's a smart girl. She'll never believe you! What about the pack, my dad, _Charlie!_"

"She'll believe me," Edward said.

Jacob studied him for a long moment. Then snorted. "Yeah, you've really mastered the art of manipulation with her, huh?"

Edward's face changed as a hiss came through his teeth.

Jacob chuckled. It was still fun to rile him up. It gave Jake a little perverse satisfaction.

"Edward," Carlisle chastised. He turned to Jacob. "We'll take care of it, but you have to disappear for a little while."

Jacob didn't want to agree to this. It was crazy and ridiculous. He opened his mouth to protest, to tell Cullen there was no way in hell he'd lie to her like this.

Edward spoke first, "If she stays, not only will she die, but your whole pack will be destroyed. You can't win this one Jacob. _Alice has seen it_."

Jacob didn't answer. He just lay prone in his childhood bed and stared icily at the two vampires.

After several long tense seconds, Carlisle sighed. "Let's go Edward. Please Jacob; think about what's best for Bella."

With that, Edward and Carlisle left, leaving Jacob alone to sort through the clusterfuck that was his thoughts.

This was crazy. Maybe he could just talk to Bella. Tell her to leave. Maybe this time she'd listen.

_Hell, who was he kidding?_ She'd just dig her stubborn little heels in. And then what?

His confidence in being able to protect her was suddenly waning. Could he take the chance that that pixie's vision would come true? His whole pack, his tribe, everyone would be in danger. And for what? Just so he could have her close?

If she thought he was dead, would that hurt her as much as her being dead would destroy him? Or would she be able to let go. To finally live a normal human existence. Without this fucked up fairytale destroying everything like a plague.

"Shit," Jacob cursed to himself. His hands twitched at his sides. He was still too broken, too sore to move them.

He couldn't believe he was actually considering this. Jacob stared at his ceiling, eyes unfocused. His head was swimming.

~000~

The late afternoon sun slanted into her room, splashing across her tear soaked face, highlighting the red in her messy brown hair. She blinked open her eyes, marveling at how innocent the room looked, how the sunshine made everything look and feel pretty and okay.

But a second later, the sharp pain in her chest, where her heart was breaking, reminded her that nothing was okay. The pain was suffocating and consuming. It was too much. And her own fault. She deserved this torment after the pain she'd inflicted.

The stark ugly realization hit her hard, cutting off her air supply. The hole that she had once learned to live with, that felt almost satisfied by Jake, and then healed by Edward's return, opened up. Raw and bleeding and intense. She almost doubled over from the waves of pain.

The memory of last night with Jacob played through her mind.

_His broken body, the sweat on his brow._

_His whispered words._

_Maybe even then..._

_And then the night she spent crying. _

Bella still felt ragged and exhausted from the events of the last week. And from the last twenty four hours especially. Bella curled in on herself as the memory of her morning with Edward flashed in her mind.

_After a long beat of silence, she cleared her throat to speak. "Edward, I—"_

_Edward held up his hand, then closed his eyes and shook his head. "Please love, don't. You don't have to say it. I already know."_

_Edward stood up, and she still marveled at his gracefulness. He crossed the room and kneeled by her bed, taking her hands in his._

_Bella was stunned into silence. He was just going to let her go? Just like that? She wasn't sure if she was relieved or angry._

"_I'll always love you. And I'll always be here if you need me. I promise I won't disappear again."_

_A moment later, she felt him kiss her forehead, and then he was gone._

Something about Edward's easy departure, about the stark contrast of his last words to her compared to Jake's struck her hard.

And she started crying all over again. A fresh new heartache rippled through her. In less than twenty four hours she had managed to break Jake's heart and Edward's. And her own. _Twice._

When her tears finally subsided, a suspicious question rose in her gut, cutting through the heartache like a hot knife.

_Why was Edward so willing to let her go?_

There was something else going on. Something he wasn't telling her.

And she was going to find out what.

* * *

Thanks to kissa_621! Thanks for helping me work out this crazy idea that was bouncing around in my head.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

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Chapter 2

"Jake,"

He groaned at the sound of Sam calling his name. _What now?_ It had been three days since the good doctor and good ole Eddie had tried to convince him to convince Bella that he was dead. And ever since, he'd done nothing but think about the _what ifs_ involved.

_What if he refused to go along with this ridiculous lie?_

_What if the Cullen's were right?_

_What if Bella could live a normal life?_

Sam plopped down in the sand next to Jake and slung an arm over his shoulders. Jake shrugged him off.

"What do you want, Sam?"

"Look, Jake. This might be the best thing for everyone involved. Everyone will be safe."

Jake huffed, and then crossed his arms over his bent knees. _Safe._ Something in the very heart of his being rejected the idea that he couldn't keep Bella safe.

"What about Charlie?" Jake asked. "Are you going to tell him I'm dead too? Are you going to have a fucking funeral?"

Jake was frustrated and full of pent up emotions. _This whole thing was bat-shit crazy._

"Yes. You'll have to leave Jake."

Jake shuddered. The thought of leaving his home— his tribe, his duty, his dad— left a sour taste in his mouth.

"For how long?" he asked in a choked whisper.

Sam looked away, towards the ocean. White foamy waves crashed upon the shore.

"I don't know, Jake."

Jake shook his head. "I don't know if I can do this, Sam. You're asking me to lie. To leave my ailing father, my home, my friends, and my pack, for—"

"For her." Sam met Jake's eyes. "To protect _her_."

Jake frowned. "I can protect her."

Sam sighed and exhaled a long breath. After several beats of silence, he asked one question that struck arrow straight into Jake's heart.

"What if you imprint, Jake?"

Jake closed his eyes. He wished he could say he didn't believe in imprinting. That it seemed like a bunch of mumbo jumbo, hocus pocus bullshit. But he'd seen it, experienced through the pack mind. He knew the damage, could see the pain of it all even now in the lines and creases of Sam's face.

"I won't," he answered. He couldn't imagine loving anyone but Bella.

"Jake, you can't know that. What if you do, and then what happens to Bella?"

"She's still my best friend! I'll always protect her!"

"Jake—"

"No!" Jake stood up quickly. His hands were clenched in two tight fists, turning his knuckles white. "Look, y'all tell her whatever it is that y'all all are going to tell her. But I won't lie to her. "

"Jake, wait!" Sam called as Jake starting running towards the tree line. The wolf was bursting to get out. "Where are you going to go?"

"Florida," Jake said. He exploded from his skin and landed on the moist warm earth with four paws.

~000~

"What are you saying?" Bella screamed. The broken pieces of her heart were suddenly smashed into a million more tiny fragments.

"He's—"

"No!" Bella covered her ears, refusing to hear her father say the word. Tears gathered in her eyes, and a lump formed in her throat. _No. Jake couldn't be dead._

"Bella, honey, I—" Charlie's voice caught.

_This was ridiculous. It couldn't be true._ It had only been a few days since she'd seen Jake.

Bella felt sick, as guilt, and grief, and heartache churned in her gut. Tears streamed down her face. Bella clasped a hand to her mouth as her stomach heaved. She ran to the bathroom, clumsily climbing the stairs. She made it just in time, spilling the sparse contents of her stomach into the toilet.

What felt like hours later, Bella felt someone life her off the bathroom floor. His hands felt cool to her flushed skin. Her eyes flew open.

"You knew, didn't you!" she screamed as she tried to wiggle free from Edward's arms. Her throat was dry and scratchy and inflamed. "You knew this was going to happen!"

Edward sat Bella on her bed and ducked away from her flailing fists.

"Bella, love, I—"

"Get out!"

"Bella, your father thought—"

"Get out! Get out! Get out!"

White hot anger exploded inside her, scorching her veins, melting her grief and pain. Bella picked up whatever objects she could and hurled them at Edward.

"I never want to see you again!" she screamed through ragged breaths and a torrent of tears.

Edward was gone in flash. Bella collapsed onto her bed. She was exhausted and broken.

Three days later, Charlie tried to rouse Bella from her bed.

"Bella, the funeral is today. Aren't you coming?"

She didn't answer. She couldn't. She felt like someone had carved her heart out of her chest with a knife. But, somehow she managed to get out of bed. Blindly she got dressed.

The service was small. None of the pack members would meet Bella's eyes. They told her and Charlie there was no casket because it was tradition to be cremated and have the ashes spread on Quileute land.

The pictures of Jake, his bright smiling face, were like a punch to gut. It knocked the wind from her chest. Raw and bleeding and broken, all she could do was cry.

~000~

In the shadows, Jake lurked, watching with rapt attention to the scene in front of him. The lie felt sickening. His pack brothers were awful fakers. Although, Quil and Embry did look somber. Maybe they were going to miss him.

His eyes scanned the room. The normally stoic Charlie looked wrecked with grief. His hair and suit were disheveled, his face drawn and his eyes glistened.

Jake wanted to vomit. Shame and guilt curdled in his gut.

And then he saw her.

She looked worse than he'd ever seen her. Her black dress hung limply on her gaunt frame. Bella's hair looked dull and tangled. But she wasn't the zombie Jake had seen after Edward had left her.

This was worse.

She was broken. She wept silently into her hands. Jake watched her, unable to look away. He wasn't sure how to feel, or what it meant. He desperately wanted to know what she was thinking. He wished he could pull her into his arms and kiss her tears away.

Jake had never felt so alone as he watched his own funeral. And so helpless as he watch Bella cry. It ripped him apart to see her like this. To watch her grieve for him.

As if Bella could feel him watching her, she looked up. It was too dark for her to see him, but she frowned like she saw _something._

Jake quickly moved deeper into the shadows and closed his eyes against the disturbing scene. He left that day, the last image of Bella in his mind was her wide chocolate eyes full of tears.

Bella stared into the dark shadows. She could have sworn she'd seen movement. Goosebumps prickled her flesh. Someone had been watching her.

Bella shook her head. _Was she being paranoid?_

The ride home with Charlie was quiet and uneventful. But inside Bella felt anything but. Her insides were shredded, her emotions ragged, her mind exhausted. Everywhere she looked she saw Jake.

On his motorcycle as they drove past the Black's house.

On her front steps waiting for her when Charlie pulled into the driveway.

Waiting for her in her red truck when she looked at it as she walked past.

Sitting in her kitchen.

In her room, she stared for a long, long time at the dream catcher he had given her. And then at the picture of them pinned to the corkboard on her wall.

She heard a howl in the distance. Bella froze. Her heart leapt into her throat. For one blissful moment, he was out there. Hope and joy swelled in her chest.

And just as quickly as that mournful howl had evoked those feelings, she crashed. The reality that he would never again be out there hit her hard, barreling into her with violent force.

_Jake is gone_, she thought. _Forever._

Bella collapsed on her bed in tears.

It could have been hours later when Charlie gently tapped on her door. Time had stopped while Bella cried helplessly into her pillow. When she didn't answer, Charlie entered and sat down next to her. He awkwardly patted her head and then cleared his throat.

"Bella," he spoke softly, like he was speaking to a frightened child. "Maybe you should go to Florida."

Bella looked up. Her eyes were glossy and red, her skin puffy.

Charlie cleared his throat again. "When Edward left I know you didn't want to go because—"

Bella closed her eyes. She knew what he was going to say before he said it.

"He's not coming back, honey."

And unlike when Edward left, she knew it was true. She had no choice but to believe it. Bella swallowed hard and then looked around her room. Jake and Edward were both such a part of this place now. So much that she found herself agreeing to her father's suggestion.

"Okay," Bella said. "I'll go to Mom's. I'll go to Florida."


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I don't won twilight or these characters.

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Chapter 3

Jake's long body stretched out beneath a sleek black mustang. The muscles in his forearms and biceps tensed and rippled beneath his taut tan skin. His bare chest and abs were streaked with grime and oil and black grease. Heavy metal music roared over the garage speakers mimicking the heavy tension Jake held in his shoulders and the boiling anger in his gut.

Sprawled beneath the guts of this engine, his eyes were focused on the bolt he was tightening. But his mind was somewhere else.

He could vividly recall her shy flirty smile. The giggle that emitted from her throat was so foreign, yet so familiar. The sound of her laughter was bittersweet.

Jake gritted his teeth. Seeing her happy should be enough.

But somehow it just wasn't. His muscles coiled tightly. Seeing her with another man, smiling and laughing made his stomach clench. The wolf inside snarled.

Ashamed that he was so selfish to be so angry and territorial and heartbroken that she'd found another, he'd sequestered himself inside the garage he worked at. He'd been tearing apart and putting this engine back together all night.

_Shouldn't he love her enough to wish her happiness? To let her go?_

She didn't know of his turmoil or broken heart. She had no idea of his sacrifice. She thought he was dead. While these thoughts should cool his temper, it did just the opposite. Instead, he felt his anger ignite, a bright glowing flame that licked his insides.

He was angry she'd so easily believed their lies.

Angry he had been such a coward to go along with it.

His anger began to wane, burning away to despair. Hopelessness doused the fire inside, leaving nothing but a hollow ache, ash, and curling smoke.

_If he would have told her, would she have stayed? Would she still be in danger?_

For three years, he'd kept hidden, watching her from afar. Silently protecting her. How much longer could he bare this burden? This torment?

Bella's bright chocolate eyes, her crooked smile, flashed in his mind.

_Forever_. That was the only answer. He was unwilling to leave her unprotected. He couldn't reveal himself without endangering her and his family.

Jake let the metal tool in his hand clang to the floor. He covered his face with his hands. For the first time in three years, he let the tears that had so often burned his eyes fall.

In the darkness, all alone, Jacob cried.

_~000~_

Bella laughed. Her smile stretched across her face as a warm feeling spread through her limbs. It had been a long, long time since she'd felt like this. The more time she spent with Aaron, the happier she felt.

She'd met Aaron several weeks ago. They both attended the University of Florida. He was tall and lean, with short messy blonde hair and pale blue eyes. His deep throaty laugh was warm and alive.

"That's a really beautiful sound," Aaron said. His smile was so broad that it lit up his whole face. Even eyes looked like they were smiling, their blue depths twinkling with mirth and affection.

And for a moment it reminded her so much of another's sunny smile. Her heart lurched as she struggled to stamp down the memory.

They walked the short distance back her apartment. When they stopped at her front door, a heavy silence fell between them. Aaron gently lifted her chin with his fingers. His blue eyes blazed. Nervous anticipation coiled in her gut.

Aaron leaned forward and captured her lips with his. Soft and coaxing, his mouth moved against hers. Bella sighed when he pulled away. His mouth curved into a smile as it moved to her cheek.

"Goodnight, Bella," he whispered. When she opened her eyes he was already walking away.

Bella sighed again and sagged against the door for a moment before she let herself in. The apartment was dark and quiet as she made her way to her bedroom and collapsed onto her unmade bed.

Despite her best efforts, the wall she'd erected around her heart was crumbling.

It had been three years since she'd left Forks, but Aaron was the first guy she'd dated. His kiss had been nice, his lips warm and soft. Unbidden, the memory of another kiss, a future she'd never know flashed in her mind. The passion she'd felt on that snowy mountain top could never be topped. Her chest ached, the scar on her heart throbbed with the memory.

Bella shook her head to clear her thoughts. _Jacob's dead_, she chastised herself. _You have to let him go._

A mournful howl pierced the night. Bella went very still. She strained to hear it again. After several minutes, she thought she must have imagined it.

_Ridiculous,_ she thought_. I'm hearing things again_.

Bella sat up and went to the window, peering into the night. A few stars blinked in the night sky. Bella couldn't help herself. She closed her eyes and let her mind conjure up images of Jake.

She replaced Aaron's blonde hair and blue eyes with Jake's inky locks and his dark eyes.

She imagined his kiss on her lips, his strong arms wrapped around her. Jake wouldn't pull away. His passion, his love, would be like a fire, burning her through his touch, his not so gentle caresses, tingling across her lips and igniting in her gut.

The vision faded and tears sprung to Bella's eyes. She clenched her fists, turning her knuckles white and fought the torrent of emotions threatening to pull her under.

"No," she said out loud. "You have to let go, it's time."

Her phone buzzed in her pocket. Digging it out she managed to smile as she read the text from Aaron.

_**I'm thinking about you. Can we hang out tomorrow?**_

Bella took a deep breath. Shoving the memory of Jake, her grief, and her hopeless wishing aside, she typed back.

_**Yes, I'll meet you at the library at one.**_

_**Can't wait to hear you laugh again. And to kiss you again.**_

Bella blushed. Heat and anticipation tightened in her gut.

Bella changed into her pajamas and crawled under her sheets. Her heart pounded against her ribs as she thought about Aaron's words. There was no doubt how he felt about her. She was surprised to find how good it felt to be wanted and desired by him. Maybe if she could let Aaron in, she could finally let Jake go.

Inside, guilt tugged at her. _Why do I feel guilty for moving on?_ she asked herself. Bella knew Jake was gone, knew she had to move on, but there was still this part of her, this tiny little voice that still didn't want to believe it.

Sometimes she swore she felt someone watching her. Once she was even sure she'd seen him. From across the crowded commons at the university she'd sworn it was him, and without thinking or processing, she'd ran through a crowd of people, pushing and shoving. But when she reached the place she'd seen him, he wasn't there. _Foolish_, she scolded herself. _He's dead._

Bella closed her eyes, her breathing slowed and deepened. When another howl sounded, she was already fast asleep. _**  
**_

* * *

Once again, thanks to my buddy kissa_621. I'm pretty sure this wouldn't get written without her.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Bella sat nervously waiting for Aaron. This was it. Meeting him today, kissing him again, couldn't be dismissed as nothing. She knew it meant something. Bella was on the precipice of something.

The memory of standing on a cliff, of looking into the stormy water off the coast of La Push flashed in her mind. The metaphor and similarity to now didn't escape her.

But this is different isn't it? Then she had been close to choosing to give her heart—or what was left of it—to Jake. But Edward wasn't dead. He came back. _Jake's never coming back._

"Bella!" Aaron greeted. His smiling blue eyes snapped her from her thoughts.

Immediately his arm wound around her waist dragging her against him.

"Hi," she whispered. His smile was so full of affection and heat, she nearly melted.

"Hi," he whispered back. Then he leaned down and pressed his lips to hers.

When they parted, Bella felt dizzy and a little breathless. Heat smoldered in Aaron's eyes, turning them a dark delicious shade of blue.

"Want to go watch a movie at my place?"

Bella stiffened. _His place? That's a little fast._

Aaron loosened his grip on her waist. He chuckled. "Just to watch a movie, I promise I won't pressure you to do anything..."

Suddenly Aaron blushed and stepped away. He looked uncomfortable, fearful that he'd said the wrong thing. He knew this thing with Bella was a delicate dance.

Bella smiled. "I'm sorry. I didn't meant to think...It's just—"

Aaron reached for her hand. He gently gripped her fingers. "No, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you feel awkward or rushed into anything. I just really like you Bells."

Bella flinched. _Why did he have to call her that?_

Sighing, Bella sat and tugged on Aaron's hand so he'd do the same.

"I have to be honest with you, Aaron," she started. Bella swallowed hard as she searched for the right words to say. "I really like you. You're the first guy in three years that I've considered letting in."

Aaron scooted closer and squeezed her hand. Focusing on their joined hands she continued.

"Three years ago I was engaged. His name was Edward," she confessed.

"Bella," Aaron spoke softly, his free hand lifted her chin so he could see her eyes. His brow furrowed. "I don't care that you have a past."

Bella pressed her lips together. "There's more. I couldn't marry him because I was in love with my best friend, Jacob."

The crease between Aaron's brows deepened.

"He died," she revealed in a rush. Bella shut her eyes. Saying that out loud punched her in the chest. Tears fell from her eyes and cascaded down her cheeks.

After several long beats of silence, she felt Aaron's hands cup her cheeks, his thumbs brushed away her tears.

"Your heart was broken," he whispered.

Bella nodded.

"More than once."

She nodded again.

Aaron leaned forward and rested his forehead against hers. They stayed that was for a long time. He let her cry soft, regretful tears.

"Bella," Aaron murmured. "I can fix it."

Bella shook her head, "How?"

"Let me in," he coaxed.

Unbidden, the mistakes she's made with Jake flashed through her mind.

She was eighteen again at the movies with Jake.

_"I'm not giving up, Bella. I've got loads of time."_

And in her truck the night she jumped off the cliff. That single moment when she thought...

_If I just turn my face to the side—press my lips to his bare shoulder..._

Right before the phone rang.

As she was leaving to go to Italy. _"Don't go, Bella. Stay with me."_

The first time he'd tried to kiss her.

_"Bella, I love you and I want you to pick me instead of him."_

On that snowy mountain top when she kissed him back. When she finally knew her own heart.

And the last time she saw him. Broken and defeated. _"Maybe even then..."_

Maybe she should try. Maybe she should let Aaron in instead of pining after Jake's ghost.

Bella opened her eyes, tilted her chin up and kissed Aaron's waiting lips.

~000~

Jacob roared as he exploded. Fur covered his back, and his massive paws hit the ground. Under the cover of trees, Jacob ran.

The image of Bella, lifting her chin to kiss another man was burned into his retinas. He should be happy for her. He should be able to let her go. To live a normal life.

Instead he was spiraling out of control. Instead he was falling apart. Broken and angry, he ran until he couldn't feel anything. Until the rage and frustrated, the desperation and hopelessness that burned in his veins started to wane out of pure exhaustion.

Jake managed to sneak into his apartment with only a few witnesses to his nakedness. Their shocked expressions barely registered though.

Jake walked straight to the shower, turned the water on full blast and climbed inside. He pressed his palms against the cool tiles and hung his head, letting the water cascade over his shoulders.

It was too much. This lie. This life. Every day what he'd let happen ate at him. He'd left his home, his friends, his duty, and his father. The sunny carefree boy he'd once been had been replaced with a stranger. He was angry, bitter, alone, and still heartbroken. A ghost of his former self.

_What am I doing?_

Jake turned off the spray of water and grabbed a towel to wrap around his waist. A reckless energy began to vibrate inside him.

He should call home. Call Embry. Even Sam. Someone to calm him down, to talk him off this ledge. Instead, he pulled on his jeans and shrugged into a black t-shirt. He grabbed his leather jacket and his keys to his motorcycle.

Twenty minutes later he found himself at the local bar all the guys at the shop hung out at, downing another shot of whisky.

"Hey Jake," a curvaceous girl with bright red hair and a nose ring purred.

"Amber," Jake slurred. "C'mere."

Jake pulled Amber into his lap. She used to be the receptionist at the shop, until she started sleeping with one of the other guys. It didn't end well.

Right now, Jake didn't care. His hand glided up her side, along her curves. She felt good. He leaned forward and ran his nose along the muscle in her neck, nuzzling behind her ear. She smelt good too.

Before Jake could second guess himself or sober up, he found himself tearing off her clothes and burying himself in the temporary respite her body offered.

The next morning, Jake groaned as he woke up. Bright sunlight shone like a beacon on him, highlighting his shame. Jake blinked his eyes open and looked at the soft sleeping girl next to him.

Jake rubbed his palms over his face and dragged his fingers through his hair. _What the fuck am I doing?_

Hurriedly, Jake dressed and silently slipped out of Amber's apartment. Shame and guilt and heartache still churned in his gut as he swung his leg over his bike and it came roaring to life.

_I can't live like this anymore,_ Jake thought. _I gotta tell her the truth._


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Straddling his parked bike in a dark parking lot, Jake stared unseeingly into the rain. He was soaked; his head was bowed, his ears listening intently to her soft laughter. He couldn't remember a time when he'd heard her laugh like that.

He'd driven to her apartment, intent on marching up to her door to tell her the truth. There was a very real possibility that she would hate him. But at least he wouldn't have to live this lie any longer.

Since he'd gotten there over an hour ago, he hadn't been able to go knock on her door. She was _laughing._ The new guy made her laugh. Jake's stomach sank further as he heard the distinct sound of kissing.

Jake closed his eyes. He could see it. Her eyes bright and round, her cheeks tinged pink with the stirrings of a new romance. He could imagine her coy smile, her soft lips, and he could even hear her racing pulse.

_She's happy. She's moving on. She's falling in love. With someone else._

Pain and guilt and regret and shame swirled in his gut, producing a sickening cocktail of emotions. With shaky hands, Jake pulled out his phone and dialed a number he could only hope was still the same.

"Jake?"

He let out a slow measured breath. Jake was desperately trying to rein in his emotions. But everything was boiling to the surface. Anger, rage, heartbreaking devastation, guilt, regret, loneliness, and pain.

"Jake, brother, is that you?"

_Brother? Since when._ Jake couldn't help the incredulous laugh he let out. In the last three years Jake had been utterly alone. Forgotten by his friends and family. And now, she was moving on too.

_That's what I should want,_ he thought. Instead, that knowledge gutted him.

Jake let out another slow breath and ran a shaky hand through his hair. He wasn't sure what he was even doing. An hour ago he'd been so sure he was going to march up to her apartment and...

_And say what exactly?_ Suddenly, he wasn't sure why he was calling Embry or why he was sitting here in the rain in front of Bella's apartment.

"Jake, c'mon, talk to me," Embry pleaded.

"I can't keep doing this," Jake finally said. The out loud confession released something inside him. For the first time in a long time Jake could breath.

There was a pause. And then a sigh.

"Jake, you sound bad. Come home."

"You know I can't," he shot back.

Embry let out a long sigh. "Jake, I never got the chance to talk to you before you left. And you just cut everyone off. I've tried looking for you."

"Why?" Jake asked, bitterness leaking into his voice.

"Look, Sam ordered us to go along with that ridiculous lie, but I've always thought—"

Embry paused. Jake grew impatient.

"Thought what?"

"That Edward was lying. That you should tell Bella the truth."

Jake didn't say anything. The truth was he hadn't expected Embry to say that. After several minutes of stunned silence, Jake sighed heavily.

"I'm standing outside her apartment, Em. She's with her new boyfriend. She's...happy."

"The Bella I know would want to know," he persisted. "You were her best friend." After another beat of silence, he added, "Want me to come down there?"

Jake wanted to refuse. He wanted to push everyone away, he wanted to ditch this life, shift into the wolf and loose himself in the wild.

But the human part of him that was starving, desperate for help, for a friend, readily agreed.

"Let me know when you find out your flight info, I'll pick you up."

"Sure, sure," Embry replied easily.

"Thanks, brother."

Jake started the engine and drove out of the parking lot back towards his own apartment. His mind going over everything Embry had said.

A sinking feeling started in Jake's gut. He'd never been sure that Edward wasn't lying, manipulating the situation to keep her from him.

Another day, diving in the water to save her from her failed cliff diving attempt, flashed through his mind. She was different that night when he drove her home. Different when his lips almost touched hers.

But Alice had come back because she thought Bella had killed herself.

Because she couldn't see Bella get saved.

Because _he_ had saved her.

All at once Jake remembered Bella telling him that Alice's psychic abilities didn't work with the wolves.

Jake swallowed hard. "What the...I... holy fuck—"

It was all so fucking obvious now. Alice couldn't see Bella when she was with him. Which means she couldn't have seen the whole pack get destroyed. _That lying bloodsucking bastard!_

~000~

"Jake, let's get out of here," Embry suggested. He flopped into a chair next to Jake.

Jake only grunted in response. He was still boiling angry. Rage and frustration built inside him like an inferno gaining power. He was mad he let that bloodsucker trick him, manipulate him into hurting the only girl he'd ever love. Angry he'd been such a fool. And frustrated he didn't know what he could do about it. The Cullens had left Forks. Sam agreed Jake could come home if he wanted.

_If he wanted._ He didn't even know what that was anymore.

"Come on, bro! I've been here three weeks! I'm sick of sitting around watching your pity party. Let's go out, meet some girls."

Jake gave him a withering look.

Embry smiled, happy to get any reaction. "Okay, so help me meet some girls. You have to lose the sour attitude though, you'll hurt my game."

Jake snorted, "What game, Em? The only girls you ever pulled back in La Push were my cast offs."

"Hey that was just easy fishing. You were too busy swooning over Be—"

Embry stopped himself. The joking jovial atmosphere that had started quickly changed.

Staring at his best friend, something inside Jake shifted. He was sick of this. It's true he'd been alternating between angry and moping ever since Embry got here three weeks ago. In truth, he'd been nothing but an empty shell for the last three years.

Something reckless and wild and free unfurled in his gut.

He was tired of only going to places he knew Bella would never go. Living and working far from her comfort zone. Even seeing her from a distance no longer stirred happy feelings. It broke him, crushed him more and more every time.

Jake was tired of not living. Of being alone. He looked at Embry again, beyond grateful for his best friend, for a piece of home, of his sanity to finally be restored. Suddenly all he wanted was to be nineteen. No magic, no wolf, no broken heart or vampires or lies. He just wanted a reprieve. A little happiness.

Embry stood and headed for the door. He looked back at Jake. "So, you comin' or what?"

Jake didn't answer. He didn't have too. He grinned, grabbed his keys and cell phone and followed Embry out the door. Into the night.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Bella's heart hammered against her rib cage. She was panting, her breaths coming short and fast and shallow as Aaron's lips traced the curve of her throat. His fingers pushed at the thin material of her nightshirt, slipping beneath the hem, dancing and gliding over her skin. Late morning sunshine spilled in through her bedroom window, splashing the whole room in golden warmth.

"God, you are so beautiful," Aaron husked in between kisses.

His hands went higher, pushing her shirt up over her breasts. Bella arched against him as she felt his lips on her naked flesh. And then his lips descended further, tracing the lines of her stomach, his hands wrapped around her tiny waist. Bella's heart beat faster. _Was he going to...?_

She tensed. Her heart beat even faster.

Aaron looked up; his blue eyes were dark and heavy with desire. Wet with emotion.

Fear, unbidden, seized her.

The words formed on his mouth.

"I love you, Bella."

Her throat closed. Was it fear? Was it happiness? She couldn't be sure. Tears sprang to her eyes as she realized she held this man's heart in her hands.

It was a terrifyingly familiar feeling.

Bella swallowed hard, unable to respond, unwilling to break his heart, but too full of questions to say it back, she pulled him down to her, and kissed with the ferocity of all her emotions.

After a passionate moment, Aaron broke away, gasping. She could see a flicker of hurt and confusion in his eyes, but before he could put it into the words, the shrill ringing of his phone sounded, effectively breaking the moment.

Relief flooded Bella instantly.

Bella tried to compose herself as he spoke on the phone. She noticed his tone was almost angry, his words clipped and rushed. Aaron hung up the call and ran a shaky hand through his hair before he turned back to her, an apologetic smile on his face.

"I gotta go babe, that was work," he smiled sheepishly.

Bella forced a smile and nodded. Aaron quickly dressed and leaned down to kiss her before grabbing his keys and making a hasty exit.

Later, Bella stood in her bathroom staring at her reflection. Her brown locks were a tousled mess, her eyes bright and round, and feverish rosy glow colored her cheeks.

If she didn't know better she'd swear the girl in the mirror was _in love_.

Even as she thought it, even as the evidence was so clearly painted on her face, her heart stuttered. And an ache deeply carved in her heart resurfaced. Guilt and shame, heartbreak and regret. _Why does it feel so wrong to fall in love with someone else? Jake is dead._

A pounding knock on her front door cut off her thoughts. Bella frowned as she looked through the peephole. Bewildered at her unexpected visitor, she opened the door.

"Leah?" Bella gasped in shock. "What the hell are you doing here?"

Leah Clearwater's lips curved up on the right side in a wry grin. "Not exactly the four letter word I was hoping for, but still not one I thought I'd hear coming out of Miss Priss's mouth."

Bella made a disgusted sound in the back of her throat and rolled her eyes. Leah pushed past her into the apartment.

"Nice digs," Leah said. Bella couldn't tell if she was being sarcastic or sincere.

Bella resisted the urge the slam the door, and shut it gently. "Leah, what—"

Leah could practically hear Embry's voice in her head_. Don't fuck this up Lee-Lee._

Leah took a deep shuttering breath and slumped on the plain white sofa. Bella's brow furrowed in confusion. And then panic began to claw at her throat.

"Leah, has something happened?"

Leah took another deep breath and when she looked up, Bella swore there were tears in her eyes.

"Emily is pregnant," she whispered, or choked is more like it. Like she could barely say the words out loud. Bella went stock still. She knew the whole sorted drama with Leah and Sam and Emily. She wasn't sure what to say though. Leah continued, "I just thought you might..."

Leah stopped mid-sentence and bit her lip. Bella felt like she had fallen down a rabbit hole. This seemingly broken, scared girl sitting on her couch, opening up to her, was _Leah Clearwater?_ Disbelief didn't begin to explain it.

"I just thought you'd be the only person who might understand."

Bella struggled to comprehend. "So you flew across the country to—"

"To get the fuck out of there, to leave all that sappy romantic perfect fucking ending and talk to the one person on this god-forsaken planet that might actually get it. Unfortunately that's you," Leah snapped.

Bella's eyes went wide. And then her heart softened. She did get it. Maybe she hadn't been through the exact same situation, but they had both suffered broken hearts, had their lives turned upside down by monsters and magic.

Bella sank down onto the couch next to her.

"I do get it," she said softly. Then she snorted. "It's kinda hard to relate to anyone normal when you've watched vampires get decapitated and your best friend explode into a giant wolf."

Leah chuckled. "So, Swan, why do you smell like—" she took a deep very wolf-like sniff and then smirked. "—like a girl who just got laid?"

Bella groaned and covered her face with her hands. She'd forgotten what it was like to be around supernatural creatures. No secrets.

Lean laughed. "So finally moving on from your vampire and—"

Bella's head shot up, her eyes wide and Leah snapped her mouth shut before she said his name. Unbidden, tears gathered in her eyes.

"Shit, I'm sorry, I didn't—" Leah stammered.

Bella waved her off, clutching at the hole that threatened to open up inside her. "It's just, I think I might be...I don't know. Aaron, that's his name. He told me he loved me today. And I, I couldn't say it back. I wanted to, but—"

"But what?" Leah asked. She leaned closer, anxious to hear the answer. This part was important. Important to Jake and Embry and the whole reason she was really here.

Bella sucked in a sharp breath. "But I still love Jake. I know it's crazy, but part of me just can't give up on him. I feel like if he were really dead, I'd feel it. Here."

Bella's hand flew to her heart emphasizing her point.

A few tense seconds ticked by. Finally Leah blew out a breath, her lips turned up in a smirk. "Come on, Swan, let's go drown our sorrows."

Bella nodded and smiled.

_~000~_

Several hours later, Leah and Bella sat in a cozy booth in the back of a very loud, dark night club. They'd both had several drinks, and alcohol induced smiles to prove it. Bella's long chestnut locks were wavy and began to curl into tight ringlets because of the heated air. A few strands clung to the damp skin around her face. Her eyes were bright, luminescent in the smoke and shadows.

The crowded dance floor parted. Bella looked up. The figure she spotted across the dance floor made time stop. Bella sucked in a sharp breath. Rage and fear swelled inside her, battling for dominance. Before Leah could stop her, Bella was up and pushing through the crowd.

"Alice," Bella called. A dark figure stopped a few feet from her, and went unnaturally still. "What the fuck are you doing here?"

Alice turned around slowly, her nose wrinkled in disgust. But just as quickly she smoothed her features and plastered on a fake perky smile.

"Bella, I—"

Her eyes narrowed. "What. Are. You. Doing. Here?"

Alice seemed confused and bewildered by Bella's obvious contempt and anger.

"Just making sure you're alright. I had a vision. Edward—"

"I'm perfectly alright," Bella interrupted. She suddenly had an uneasy feeling._ A vision? What else wasn't she saying?_ Edward had always lied to her, to _protect her_ he claimed. Because he and Alice believed her to be weak.

Just as another retort was about to come out of Bella's mouth, her skin prickled with awareness. The tiny hairs on the back of her neck stood on end. A strange energy began to buzz. She wasn't sure why she turned her head that way, it was an awkward angle. But across the smoke filled dimly lit bar, a gut-wrenchingly familiar man strode through the front doors.

Her eyes roamed over him greedily. His raven hair was long and thick, slick with rain and stuck up in random spots. His chiseled jaw held just a trace of scruff. He was clad all in black; black t-shirt, a fitted black leather jacket, and black jeans. Bella was frozen, disbelieving and hopeful all at once. Her heart pounded mercilessly in her chest.

He sucked in a deep breath. She saw the fear, the realization, the exact moment he knew she was here. His eyes scanned the room. And locked on hers. All the air was suddenly sucked from the room. The noisy club faded into nothingness.

One word left her lips. He heard it clearly, as if they were all alone and she was right next to him. It struck him like an arrow in the heart.

"_Jake?"_


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

"_Jake?"_

His name on her lips. Jake froze as he watched a myriad of emotions flitter across her face. Her eyes were wide with shock and disbelief. Then her brow furrowed with confusion.

Bella couldn't breathe. _How is this even possible? Jacob is supposed to be dead!_

She wrapped her arms around her middle and her eyes filled with unshed tears. The hurt and betrayal in her dark chocolate eyes, that marred her perfect features was like a punch to his gut.

She looked at Leah next to her, and then she noticed Embry standing next to Jake, fear and worry etched on both their faces. This may not have been part of the plan, but both Jake and Bella were suddenly sure that there had definitely been a plan.

Bella took a single step forward. She swallowed hard around the lump in her throat. Part of her instinctively wanted nothing more than to run into his arms, to make sure he was real, to tell him...

She turned at that thought and fled, disappearing into the thick crowd of bodies.

Without a thought or question Jake followed. He shoved through the crowd, chasing her. Panic and fear and guilt churned violently in his gut, propelling him forward. The awful stench of vampire was fresh in the air and he had to fight to keep the wolf in check. If those fucking Cullens were here, he'd kill Edward this time. Fuck the consequences.

Finally, he pushed through the heavy back door into the dank alley. What was left of his mutilated heart broke at the sight in front of him.

Bella was doubled over, clutching her stomach, her shoulders heaved with angry violent tears. She fell to her knees and Jake surged forward. He wrapped his arms around her shaking frame.

Bella didn't even try to fight out of his embrace. The moment his warm familiar strength and scent surrounded her, she turned and buried her face in the thin cotton of his shirt. Bella's fingers clung to the fabric, twisting and pulling herself closer as her tears soaked through his shirt.

"I'm so sorry, Bells," he whispered, his voice was thick and cracked on her name.

He never thought that fucking bloodsucker deserved her or her tears. But he knew in that moment he didn't either. He was a coward. He'd left. He'd abandoned her. Lied to her. He'd broken every promise he'd ever made to her. _What happened to fighting for the girl you love? What happened to __**maybe even then?**_

Leah and Embry walked outside and Jake stood up holding Bella to his chest. He didn't bother to hide the tears that streaked down his face.

"Where—" he took a deep breath, but before he could speak, Leah and Embry seemed to understand what he needed, what he was asking.

"We took her car. I'll drive," Leah said, already walking toward the car. "Em? I'll follow you?"

"Yeah."

Without another word, Jake followed Leah and climbed into the back seat, Bella still securely in his arms. As fucked up as the situation was, he'd never felt more right.

~000~

There was an unspoken agreement to go to Jake's apartment. The drive was relatively short. Jake didn't loosen his grip and despite her eyes being closed, neither did Bella.

Her body-wracking sobs had dissolved into hiccupping. Each time her breath stuttered with the after effects of her crying, Jake winced. Seeing this fresh new pain, that he caused, this close, was worse than seeing her all those months after Edward. Worse than watching her from afar for three years.

Worse than a million more days without her.

When they finally arrived at Jake's apartment, he carried her inside, to his room, without bothering to look at Embry and Leah. He closed the door to his room with enough force that Leah and Embry knew he wanted to be left alone. They decided to wait outside.

Jake's emotions were everywhere. He gently laid Bella down on his bed and then turned away. Jake fought the intense urge to lie next to her. To pull her to him. To kiss her. To beg for forgiveness. For the reprieve and resolution only she could offer.

Hands clenched at his sides he told himself, _No. I don't deserve it._

Bella's crying had stopped. She felt numb as Jake had laid her onto a soft mattress. She didn't know where she was. She didn't care. She could feel the tension in the room. Jake's emotions were so thick in the air they were choking her.

He started to leave.

Bella sat up and grabbed his wrist. Despite the fact that he could easily have escaped her grasp, he stilled instantly.

"You're leaving?" she asked indignantly. Hurt and confusion and anger laced her words.

Jake sat on the edge of the bed. He leaned forward, with an elbow on his knee he ran a hand through his hair and leaned his head into his hand. His other arm stayed outstretched behind him, Bella's tiny fingers gripped his forearm.

She didn't know what to say. Or where to even start. She was angry. Hurt. Betrayed.

And so consumed and overwhelmed with relief and—

_What? Happiness? No not exactly._ Whatever this unnamed emotion was, it burned bright in her chest, flooded her gut, and made her grip on his arm tighten until her knuckles turned white.

She tried to tamp down the urge, but it was a futile effort. Bella threw her arms around Jake, catching him by surprise. His arms automatically wrapped around her waist, and he hid his face against the gentle curve of her neck.

Jake breathed in her familiar scent. A little flowery and sweet, and earthy and natural.

"Jake," she whispered. Over and over again she whispered his name as they clung to each other. She finally pulled back, just enough to see his face. She was on her knees next to him. He looked up into her eyes, gently waves of her hair falling haphazardly around her face.

The air between them was thick with unspoken words. He nervously licked lips instantly drawing her attention. Soft and full. She vividly remembered those lips, wrought with a desperate passion against her own, coaxing her to admit what he'd already know to be true.

Her pulse picked up its pace. Bella's hand slowly came to frame his face. Pressed against him, his arm draped around her, her eyes darted between his eyes—dark, deep and intoxicating—to his lips—soft, full, and inviting.

In an instant three years of distance vanished. For one long moment Bella felt as if she was transported back in time. She could almost imagine she was in his bedroom in La Push, kneeling next to him on his too small bed. Making the decision she should have made.

But, the look in his eyes stopped her. There was a deep sadness_. Pain, regret, guilt?_ She wasn't completely sure, but it wasn't the easy love and adoration she'd once known. The difference was jarring enough to bring reality crashing back down.

Jake sighed and leaned his forehead against hers. Bella's body tensed and the moment she pulled away, out of his reach, his heart crumbled a little more.

Bella looked around to the room she was in, trying to distract her racing mind. Trying to find her bearings and organize her thoughts.

The walls were a stark white. No pictures. No posters. The bed she was sitting on was simple and plain, the sheets a rumpled black mess of cotton. There was a small wood dresser with four drawers. A few coins, an empty condom wrapper, and a set of keys littered the top.

Bella's swallowed the disgust and instant possessiveness that came over her at the sight of the empty wrapper. She turned away, her eyes finding the open closet. It was very bare. A few shirts and pants. Not the overflowing mess she knew of Jake's childhood room in La Push.

_His room._ Realization dawned on her. This is his room. She looked around again. Despite its bareness, it looked decidedly lived in.

"You've been here the whole time," she blurted. It wasn't a question.

Jake leaned forward on his elbows and hung his head in his hands. "Yes."

Bella say in stony silence for several minutes, unable to process. Finally, he looked up.

"I don't understand," she stated. Bella's voice raised two octaves and fresh tears welled in her already red-rimmed eyes. "I don't understand!"

Jake pressed his lips together and turned to her. He reached for her hands, but stopped when she flinched. Instead his hands landed flat on the mattress, on either side of her legs.

His eyes searched hers for a moment before he spoke. "I lied to you, Bells. I never—"

"Don't call me that!" she screeched. Her cheeks were flushed and angry tears slid down her face.

Bella jumped up from the bed and headed for the door. Jake grabbed her arm and Bella whipped around. Anger and betrayal lit up her eyes and reddened her whole face.

"Don't you dare touch me!" she screamed through the new onslaught of tears. "I thought you were dead!"

Jake refused to drop his hand from her arm, even as she struggled against his grip. Instead he grabbed her other arm, and turned her to face him.

In some sick way, even though the hate in her eyes pained him, he was relieved to see it there. He deserved it.

But it didn't stop the words from spilling from his mouth.

"Bella, I'm so sorry," he said. "I never should have left. I never should have let him talk me into—"

Clarity unclouded her eyes. "_Him_?"

Jake didn't answer. As easy as it would be to blame it on the bloodsucker, it didn't feel right to minimize his part in all this.

"I left. I abandoned you."

"OH MY GOD! Edward convinced you to lie to me? To make me think you were dead!?"

She wrenched away from him and turned her back. Her hands balled into fists at her side.

"Bella, please, let me explain."

Shaking with violent rage, she didn't move. She struggled to even speak. "How?"

He swallowed and spoke fast, terrified she would leave. "Edward and the vamp doc came to me the day after I got hurt. They told me the only way to protect you was for you to leave. They said the little one had seen—"

"Alice?" Bella turned to face him again. Her brow scrunched.

Jake nodded. "Yeah. They said she had seen the Volturi destroying the pack, the whole tribe. You."

Bella was trying to piece it all together. He could see her wheels turning. "What _exactly _did he say?"

The heat of anger was still painted on her flush cheeks and simmering in her dark eyes. But there was a sudden focused calculating coldness that changed her features. Jake was so thrown by the abrupt shift Bella's demeanor, he just stared blankly at her.

A hundred million thoughts whirled in her mind. Bella tried to latch onto one. To make sense of everything.

"Jake," she said cautiously, biting her lower lip. "Alice was at the club tonight."

His brow furrowed. "I—"

"Smelt her?"

Jake nodded.

Bella puckered her lips in thought and her eyebrows knitted together.

"Do you remember the night Alice came back?"

Jake's eyes widened. "I've already thought about this, Bella. Alice couldn't have seen the whole pack get destroyed. I realize now that he was lying about that."

"But?"

"He said, you would die! That they would come for you!" Breathing hard, Jacob stepped closer. "I know she could have seen the wolves get destroyed, but—"

"She wouldn't have been able to see me if I was with the wolves, Jake." Bella said calmly, sadly. "Which is probably why she was there tonight. Maybe she saw me when Leah wasn't close by, then saw me disappear at some point tonight."

"But why—"

Jake wasn't dense. He felt like he knew why. But he needed to hear her say it.

"Just like when you pulled me out of the water. "

"No, I get that. I mean why three years ago would you have disappeared? He said, Alice saw the Volturi coming. That the whole pack would get destroyed and you would die. Even if—"

"Jake," Bella softly interrupted. She stepped closer. The look she gave him then was so full of sadness and regret. "Why would I have been with the wolves instead of Edward?"

Jake swallowed hard. "I don't—"

"I wanted to choose you."

Everything stopped. All air was sucked from the room. Jake just stared at her for several long minutes, unable to breathe, unable to move.

"I can't be certain, but I think that night after I left you, my future must have been chaotic for Alice to see. I thought I knew my own heart before, but I was wrong. I cried all night. Sometimes I would think about what would happen if I choose you. And sometimes I would remind myself of the life I'd have with Edward. Maybe she did see the Volturi coming, and then maybe I kept disappearing. They were wrong for not telling me, but it doesn't surprise me."

Tears stung his eyes and burned the back of his throat. Fresh ones carved new tracks into her skin. When she spoke again her voice shook, flames of betrayal and anger licked her irises.

"But you. You left me. You gave up. You promised you never would. Maybe that's selfish of me. But I needed you!"

"Bells, I'm sorry. I thought..." Jake sighed in frustration. "I don't know what I thought. I thought you deserved better. A life without all the monsters and magic. I—"

"You abandoned me! And then watched me suffer for three years!" she screamed. "You saw the way that your death destroyed me and you just stood by and did nothing! Its worse than when Edward left me!"

"I thought I was protecting you!" Jake yelled back. His temper flared. _Was she the only one destroyed?_ "You broke my fucking heart! I thought I was protecting you!"

"The Jake I knew, the Jake I _loved_, never would have left me to protect me!"

"I didn't have a choice Bella!" But the argument was weak even to him. He was losing her all over again. Desperate, Jake took her face in his hands. "I'm so sorry Bella. I was so stupid, please don't—"

She shook her head and stepped out of his embrace. Through her tears, she said, "There's always a choice Jake. You taught me that."

Bella walked out. Jake let her go.

Broken, he fell to his knees and covered his face with his hands, letting the loss and grief consume him.

~000~

Outside, Embry and Leah were silent when Bella came through the front door demanding her keys.

"Bella," Embry tried. "I know you're hurt, but—"

"No, Embry. You don't know," she said turning on him. "But he does! And he did nothing!"

"Bella, he's here. He's always been right here with you. He left his home, his friends, and his family."

Bella shook her head, unable to see anything but her own hurt and betrayal. "But you knew," she said softly.

Embry nodded. "Yeah, I did. I'm sorry I let this go on. Alpha's orders be damned. I'm trying to make it right."

Bella snorted and walked off.

"What about me Bella?! What about Billy and Quil and the pack?!" he shouted after her. "You were my friend too! You left us too!"

Bella froze. She didn't yell or turn around. But she knew they all—even Jake probably—could hear her.

"Maybe you're right. I made a mess of everything to begin with. But it's too late to fix it now," she sighed, her anger fading into despair. "Maybe it always was."


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

"Open the door, Swan!" Leah shouted.

Bella was lying on her bed, staring at the ceiling fan is spun around and around. It had been three days since she'd seen Jake and her whole world had come crashing down. Again.

Trying to ignore Leah was only making her headache worse. After several more threats of kicking the door in, she finally managed to get up and make her way to the door.

"What do you want, Leah?" she asked numbly.

Leah quickly assessed Bella when she opened the door. Her hair was matted and stringy and strangely smelly, like it hadn't seen a brush or a shampoo bottle in several days. Her skin looked even paler than normal, and sallow. Her eyes were red-rimmed and swollen, her cheeks blotchy.

"Well, you look like hell," Leah snarked.

Bella only grunted.

"Can I come in?" Leah asked after a minute.

Bella shrugged and stood aside to let her through the door. Leah plopped down on the couch. Bella stood a few feet away, arms crossed.

"What are you doing here, Leah?"

"Ugh. It's like a fucking crypt over there," she lamented. "I had to get out."

Bella's chest burned. She desperately tried to push it away; the image of Jake, broken and desperate a few nights ago clouded her mind.

She didn't want to ask, but the words flew out of her mouth anyway.

"How bad—" Bella cleared her throat. "I mean, Jake, is he—"

"Okay?" Leah laughed harshly. "No, he's a wreck."

It felt like someone had punched her. She shouldn't care. He was the one that had given up, had left her, had let her believe he was dead and then just stood by and watched her fall apart.

"Would you rather me lie to you?" Leah asked.

"No." Bella managed to say. Tears burned the back of her throat. "But what do you want from me? He lied, he—"

"Bella, I know what he did. I get what you're feeling. When Sam—" Leah took a breath.

Bella and Leah stared at each other for several moments, a silent conversation stretching between them.

"Just talk to him, that's all I'm trying to say," Leah said finally. "Regardless if you end up together or not, I think you both deserve to have some closure."

Bella stayed silent. Her heart was bleeding. At one point she'd been a stupid irrational eighteen year old girl. She'd thought back then she knew what love was. Which is why she didn't even recognize it or want to when she fell in love with Jake. Breaking his heart that day had broken hers more than she thought she could bear. Enough to alter her future. And for the last three years she has been pining after a ghost—or so she had believed.

Bella sank down onto the sofa. "God, this is so messed up."

"Yeah," Leah agreed. "It is. But you're not the only one who's suffered. He—"

Bella's phone rang cutting her off.

It was Aaron.

"Hey," Bella said, trying her best to sound cheery. It was harder than she thought.

"Hey babe," he answered. "Want to catch a movie tonight?"

Bella swallowed nervously, her eyes darted to Leah's. "Um...yeah sure," she agreed.

_Shit. What am I doing?_

Leah narrowed her eyes. _Are you serious? No._ she mouthed, simultaneously shaking her head.

Bella squeezed her eyes shut. Suddenly everything with Aaron seemed a hell of a lot more complicated. And that thought made her angry. Even if she did agree to talk to Jake that doesn't mean she's going to get sucked back into all that supernatural bullshit. She was free of that now. Living a normal life. Just because they'd once had feelings for each other doesn't change the fact that everything has changed.

Somewhere in the back of her mind, a small voice was laughing at her pathetic and pitiful attempt to convince herself she wasn't just terrified and scared and confused and running away by running into Aaron's open arms.

"Pick me up in an hour?" she asked in what she hoped was a sweet and flirty tone.

Leah was sick of this. Walking out of Bella's apartment, she called Embry to form a new plan. She wasn't going to stand by and watch her choose someone else over Jake again. The pack needed Jake. And losing Bella for good might just destroy him.

~000~

Jacob groaned as Embry ripped the thick comforter that was hiding him. Leah opened the blinds, letting undiluted late afternoon sunlight flood the dark, stinky, depressing hole his room had become. Jake flipped over onto to his stomach, and buried his head under a pillow.

"Go. Away."

"No." The steal and force of Embry's voice was new. Jacob froze, his wolf instantly defensive. He may not have ever accepted his birth right as Alpha, but it was in his blood. A tense minute of silence followed.

Leah swore and shook her head. "Get your ass up, Jake."

A growl sounded in his chest. He sat up and glared at Leah and Embry. But he couldn't hold onto the anger. After a few moments, his shoulders dropped and he hung his head. His broken whisper was loud to his ears. "I don't know what I'm supposed to do."

"Fight for her," Embry said matter-of-factly.

Jake shook his head and shoved his fingers into his inky black hair. "She _hates _me."

Leah snorted. "She doesn't hate you."

Jake looked up. "How do you know?" he asked angrily.

The hard expression on Leah's face softened. "Because I never hated Sam."

Jake's brow furrowed and he looked to Embry. But Embry didn't look surprised. He only nodded his encouragement when Leah's eyes flashed to his.

"I was angry. Hurt and bitter. I felt betrayed and heartbroken," she went on. "It was easier sometimes to try and hate him. But I never really could. In fact—" once again her eyes flashed to Embry. He offered her a tight smile and Jake wondered for the first time how much had changed, how much he'd missed in the last three years. "—a part of me still loves him."

Jake stared at her for several minutes before he spoke again, trying to process everything. Finally he shook his head sadly, slowly. "You don't know her like I do. I fucked up, she'll never—"

"Stop being such a fucking pussy, Jake!" Embry exploded, shocking both Jake and Leah into silence. "Do you want to know where _your girl_ is right now? On a date. With some blonde douchebag that reeks of vampire! You need to pull your head out of your ass, stop moping around and go fight for your girl!"

It took Jake a moment to recover from his stunned silence, but when he did, his temper flared. "She's not my girl! She's never been mine, Em!"

Embry snorted. "That's the biggest fucking lie I've ever heard. You and her are—" Embry grappled for some profound comparison or word that would sum them up. "Soul mates."

"Em, if that were true, I'd have imprinted on her years ago," Jake responded.

"Fuck the wolf stuff, Jake," Leah interrupted. "Get out of your bed and make this right."

Jake looked defeated and heartbroken and lost. "How?"

Leah wrinkled her nose, "I'd start by taking a fucking shower."

Embry burst out laughing.

"Ha Ha," Jake responded dryly, but a smile twitched at the corner of his mouth. The sarcastic humor was just enough to get him out of bed.

Jake stood under the spray in the shower for a long time thinking about Embry and Leah's lecture, and Bella's words and actions the night he saw her. Embry was right, when had he given up?

He leaned his forehead against the cool tiles and let his mind focus on one moment from a few nights ago. He'd always wanted her to come to him. To kiss him. To choose him. And in that moment, for only a second, she had.

A new steely resolve hardened inside him. Jake shut off the water and climbed out of the shower. He refused to be defeated. He'd let the vampire win. He'd be damned if he let it happen again. He wouldn't let him hurt her again, or the Volturi. He had to try to win her back.

"Embry," Jake called after he'd gotten dressed. "What did you mean when you said that guy smelt like vampire? He's not—"

"No he's not, but he reeks like he's been around them."

Jake's jaw clenched and his eye twitched.

"You think it's the Cullens?" Embry asked. "One of them was at the club the other night."

"I don't know," Jake answered. "But I intend to find out."

"Where are you going to do?" Embry called after him.

Jake shrugged and turned back to his friend. "Wait outside her door until she comes home?"

Embry grinned and shook his head. "Like a lost puppy."

Jake grinned back. It was the first true smile he'd felt stretch across his face in three long years.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Aaron's hand was warm on her knee as he pulled the car into the parking lot of her apartment complex. The date had been nice. He didn't even seem to suspect that Bella's whole world had been turned upside down.

Bella glanced up as they pulled into a parking space. It was dark, the closest street lamp flickering softly. Sitting on the steps of her building, there was a shadowy figure of a man. She didn't need to see his face to know who it was.

Jake.

Bella's heart sped up, and her face flushed with anger. Aaron didn't seem to notice, just smiled at her as he turned off the engine.

Bella smiled back. Without really thinking it through, she grabbed the back of Aaron's head and dragged his lips down to meet hers.

Even inside the car, she could hear Jacob's growl.

Bella said goodbye to Aaron and slowly made her way to the stairs. Her brief moment of triumph dissolved when she saw the hurt and anger in his face, his jaw clenched, his fists white. She didn't stop, just walked around him, unlocked her door and went inside.

She hesitated. As much as she wanted to slam the door in his face, the need to see him and talk to him was more powerful. A desperate, needy, feeling that pinched in her chest, squeezing the air from her lungs.

Jake took several deep breaths. He wasn't sure if he was more upset about her kissing Aaron just to hurt him or bewildered and suspicious about why the guy she was with had winked at him behind her back before he pulled out. Something was definitely not right.

After a few moments, Jake finally got up and followed Bella inside, careful to shut and lock the door.

"What the hell was that, Bella?" he asked angrily.

Bella was standing in the kitchen, a glass of water in her hand. She slammed it down and droplets splashed on the counter. "What are you talking about? You don't get to be angry!"

His nostrils flared. "You know exactly what I'm talking about. You kissed him just to hurt me."

Bella rolled her eyes dramatically. "He's my boyfriend, Jake."

Jacob stalked closer; his skin was vibrating with tension. "You have no idea what the last three years have been like for me, Bella. I—"

"You!" she shouted incredulously. "I thought you were _dead_!"

Jacob ignored her outburst and came closer. He placed his palms on the counter on either side of her, boxing her in. His voice was low. "I left my home, my friends, my family, my people, _my pack_. For you, Bella. For you."

Bella's lip trembled. She shook her head. "No, you let them lie to me. You left. You—"

"I was a coward Bella," he said, his voice softening. The fury, the hurt in his dark eyes gave way to guilt and shame. "God, don't you think I know that? Don't you think I've regretted it?"

The anger and tension bled out of the room. Jake moved away from her, leaning against the opposite counter.

"Then why," Bella's voice wavered and fresh tears filled her eyes, "didn't you tell me?"

Jake looked away and ran a hand through his hair as he blew out a breath.

"I don't know if I have an answer to that question, Bells. I let Edward and Sam convince me that letting you go was the right thing. You were never mine, you'd already broken my heart. I had no reason to hope you'd ever choose me. And I thought you'd be better off away from me. Out of danger."

"Jake," Bella said. Something in her voice made him look up. Her eyes were shining, and a sad bittersweet smile played on her lips. "You were my best friend."

His brows knitted together and he tried to swallow around the lump in his throat. "I know."

A long pregnant silence stretched between them. Jake kept thinking of the last three years without her. How empty he had felt. How technically they'd never really been anything more than friends. She wasn't his imprint, and yet he felt her absence like she'd been the center of his whole world.

"Bella," Jake said quietly, breaking the silence. "Please don't make me live without you anymore. I'm not asking for..._for that_...but can't we be friends again? I need you in my life. I need you to forgive me."

He didn't say that he needed to protect her. That instinctually he knew something was wrong. He wasn't sure how'd she take that.

Bella stared at him for several long moments. She wanted to say that yes, of course. That she'd missed him terribly. That she couldn't believe she'd gotten him back. That some part of her had never really believed that he was dead. That regardless of what else, his friendship had always mattered most to her. A part of her wanted to scream that she wanted to make the choice she should have made three years ago. To correct him. Maybe she had always belonged to him. That this time she could be his.

Instead she sighed. "I don't know what I'm supposed to do or be feeling. I'm confused. I've never really been able to let you go and yet, now that you're here, I don't know what to do," she took a shuddering breath. "I don't know if I want to punch you or hug you."

_Or kiss you_, she mentally added.

"I'm not saying no," she added softly. "But I need some time."

Jake flashed back to a similar conversation. Years earlier sitting on the sticky steps outside the movie theatre in Forks, Bella's words floated back to him.

_ "I'm not a car, Jake. You can't fix me."_

_ He'd sighed. "This is because of him, isn't it?"_

_ Bella wouldn't meet his probing gaze. Instead she whispered, "Just give me some time."_

_"I'm not going to give up," he'd added. _

_"I don't want you to."_

_He had wrapped one arm around her shoulders and grinned when she turned her face up toward him. "I got all the time in the world."_

He wanted to say something similar now. He wished that he had all the time in the world, like he'd felt he had back then. But the urge to protect her, the prickling sensation of danger lurking, had him shaking his head instead. The same desperate panic, like time was running out, that he'd had after her vampire had come back clawed at his gut.

"Bella," he started, his voice horse. "I can't do that."

Her stomach dropped. Her face paled. Her throat constricted as she tried to push one word through, "Why?"

"Alice Cullen was at that club the other night. Not to mention, we know now that Edward was lying. And—"

He paused. She wasn't going to like this next part. He didn't even want to tell her. But he needed to convince her, because the truth was, he wasn't going to be able to let her out of his sight.

"And, that boyfriend of yours," his lip curled into a snarl over that word, "reeks of vampire."

Bella gasped in shock. Then she narrowed her eyes. "What are you talking about?"

"He smells like he's been around bloodsuckers," Jake clarified. "A lot."

"How would you even know that?" she asked disbelievingly.

"First off, because Embry and Leah followed him," Jake explained. "And two, because the minute you walked by me, I smelled him and vampire stink all over you."

Bella blushed and looked away.

"Bella, I need you to come stay with me."

"What?!" Bella's eyes shot back up to his, wide and incredulous.

"I need to protect you." Jake spoke slowly, his hands up, palms out.

Bella jutted her chin stubbornly. "I can take care of myself. I've been just fine for three years without you!"

Jake winced, but continued, "Bells, it just makes sense. Leah and Embry and I can protect you, and we can all figure out what's going on," he looked her in the eyes, deadly serious, "because something is definitely wrong."

"No," she pouted. "I'm not going to just come stay at your apartment."

He blew out a frustrated breath, his voice turned pleading. "Please don't fight me on this honey. Let me make things right."

She didn't move and her frown deepened. Jake came closer, his hands—large, warm, and rough—cupped the sides of her face. Instinctively, she tilted her face up.

"Please, honey." His voice was a pleading, strained whisper. It reminded her of that kiss on the mountain. His thick husky voice in her ear, convincing her to let go. To kiss him back. To give in.

All the anger, resentment, and her resolve to resist him drained away. Her stomach did a funny flip. Whether it was from him calling her honey, or the shinning vulnerability in his eyes slicing through her heart, or the memory of his lips on hers, she wasn't sure.

Within an hour her bag was packed.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

It was dark except for the glow from the movie Bella was watching. It had been two days since she had come to stay at Jake's apartment. Although, she had barely seen him.

He had to work and she had class. Jake had insisted either Leah or Embry needed to escort her.

"_Jake, this is ridiculous!" Bella exclaimed. "I don't need a babysitter. In fact—"_

_She paused. She was pretty sure this was an argument she was going to lose regardless, but she couldn't help the words from coming out of her mouth._

"_In fact, why can't Leah and I stay at my apartment? She can pro—"_

_Jake growled._

_The four of them were standing in Jake's tiny cramped living room. Jake's growl cut off all conversation, engulfing them in a tension filled silence. _

_Jake's eyes locked on hers. He strode purposefully across the room until he was standing in front of her. He took her face in his hands. His skin was scorching hot against hers._

"_Bella, please," he begged, his voice horse. "Don't ask me to trust someone else with protecting you."_

_He leaned forward until their noses were touching. "Not again."_

That's where her mind was when Jake walked in the door. It was late, way past closing for the garage he worked at. Leah was asleep on the over-sized chair next to her, Embry was in Jake's room. Bella had a feeling he had been avoiding her.

Jake disappeared into the kitchen. When he came back out, he had a beer in his hand.

"Hey," he said quietly.

"Hey," she responded. Bella cringed. Everything was so awkward between them. _Hadn't he asked her to be friends again?_

Jake hesitated briefly before he sat next to her, an uneasy smile on his full lips.

"God, why is it like this?" Bella lamented. Jacob didn't ask her to clarify. The awkward tension between them was so palpable he could practically see it in the air between them.

He chuckled, blew out a breath and then Jake slipped his hand into hers. Their fingers twined together and he brought their joined hands to his lips. He placed a light kiss on her knuckles and then brought their hands back down to rest on his knee.

"I was just trying to give you some time, I—"

He cut himself off and sighed as he toyed with her fingers. Jake wasn't sure he trusted himself to speak. It was impossible to go back to the easy friendship they'd once had. Impossible to forget that he loved her. He still felt like that sixteen year old kid, terrified to tell her how he felt, more scared that he was going to lose her all over again, and still unable to not touch her when he was near her. Three years he hadn't been able to hold her hand, to kiss her again. Three years he had tormented himself with thoughts of her. Three years he had held onto his love for her. He wasn't sure how to navigate this now.

He looked over at her then and sighed. "I still love you, Bells."

Bella bit her lip, but didn't look away. They were both leaning back against the couch, and Jake lowered his head until their noses were almost touching.

"Then why have you been avoiding me?" Bella asked in a whisper. Her big brown eyes stayed locked on his.

His dark eyes dropped to her lips. Bella's heart sped up.

_I still love him, too_, she thought. _But—_

It was stupid really. The tiniest detail. But it stuck out like a flaming red neon sign in her mind. That first night she'd seen Jake. His dark bedroom. The realization that he'd been so close. All this time, living here. And the ripped open condom wrapper on his dresser.

And then that feeling that they could just start all over evaporated.

Bella pulled her hand away like she'd been burned. Frowning, he asked, "What's wrong? I can't hold your hand?"

The question jolted her. It was too familiar and made her throat burn with tears.

She didn't know how to explain the hurt she felt. Bella looked away.

Anger and frustration exploded in Jake's gut. He cupped her face in his hands and turned her back to face him. He lowered his face until their lips were mere centimeters apart.

"Bella, I have always loved you. I have been torturing myself for three fucking years. Hell, longer. Every time I'm in the same room with you, all I want to do is kiss you, hold you, never let you go again. But I fucked everything up and now I don't know how to fix it."

Bella's eyes filled with tears and a few slipped out, running down her flushed cheeks.

Jake's voice lowered. "The worst part is, I never really had you. I only ever got to kiss you one time."

Before Bella could respond, Jake lowered his mouth to hers. His lips brushed softly over hers. Once, twice. Just as he pressed more firmly, Bella jerked back.

"If you loved me so much, if you were so tortured over me, how could you sleep with someone else?" Bella asked, anger and hurt laced her words.

Jake paled. "Bella, I was out of my mind with pain, I just wanted to forget."

"How many?"

He scrunched his brows, obviously pained by this conversation. "What?"

"How many girls were you with?" she sneered, but continued before he could open his mouth to speak. "I couldn't move on because I felt like I was being disloyal to you even though I believed you were dead! How many times did you go from following me to falling into another girl's arms?"

Bella was full out crying, but she forced herself to stay and watched as a range of emotions flittered across his face. His jaw clenched and she knew he wasn't going to answer her.

Angry, he leaned forward again. "Bella, you broke my heart, you chose Edward over me—more than once. And then I was forced to watch as you started to fall for that—"

He growled low in his throat. "No one has ever mattered to me, but you. I've tried everything to put you out of my mind. Women, alcohol, fighting, hunting, killing, becoming the wolf—and nothing has ever worked. I stupidly believed _your_ fucking vampire and thought I was protecting you. Forgive me for trying to figure out how to live without you!"

He was breathing hard and fast, his nostrils flared and his dark eyes were swallowed up by his black dilated pupils.

Bella hiccupped through her tears and whispered softly, "I broke up with Edward for you."

All his anger deflated. Jake reached for her, his large warm hands cupped her face and his thumbs brushed away her tears.

"Then be with me now," he pleaded.

She swallowed hard. "It's not that simple."

Jake pressed his lips together and shook his head. "It never is."

Bella closed her eyes for a moment against the pain. When she opened them again he was gone.

~000~

_His voice was low and husky, sending shivers down her spine. Goosebumps erupted along her flesh. His hand—so warm—cupped her face, the tips of his fingers tangled in her hair. He leaned forward, and she swore time slowed as the rest of the world faded to black._

_He murmured something soft and tender in his native tongue, his breath warmed her lips. Just as she felt his mouth on hers, the shrill ringing of the phone shattered the moment._

Bella gasped as she woke up. She wished that had been an actual dream, not an ugly past reality replaying while she slept. She blinked back some tears and swallowed against the lump in her throat as she threw the blanket off her.

The conversation with Jake last night came crashing into her with all the force of a freight train causing her to fall back against the couch cushions and clutch her chest. She was honestly surprised there wasn't a large gaping hole in her chest_. How was it possible that everything was even more fucked between them than ever before?_

A moment later, Embry walked through the front door. The look on his face told Bella everything she needed to know. He'd heard the conversation last night.

"Where is he?" Bella couldn't stop herself from asking, her voice scratchy with tears.

Embry flinched. Bella sat up.

"What, Em? Tell me where he is!"

"Bells—"

"Don't call me that!"

Embry flinched at the sound of her distress and cautiously sat on the couch next to her. "He just needs some time to cool off."

Bella growled, "With another girl?!"

Embry sighed.

Bella leapt from the couch. "So help me Embry, after what he said to me if he's fucking someone I'm going to—"

Embry stood and grabbed her by the shoulders. "Jesus Christ, Bella. Calm down, he's not with anyone else. He's either still all wolfed out or he's at the shop tearing apart an engine."

Bella fell back against the couch cushions, scrubbing her hands over her face.

"Everything is so messed up," she sighed.

Embry crossed the room and kneeled in front of her, pulling her hands from her face. His face was pulled in a tight smile, sadness and regret in his brown eyes.

"Bella, everything's going to be okay," he said softly. "Don't you have a final today?"

Bella nodded.

"Well, get ready. I'll take you to class." Embry urged her up from the couch and pushed her toward the bathroom. Thirty minutes later he was dropping her off.

"You want me to wait?" He asked.

Bella shook her head. "No, I'll text you when I'm done."

Bella exited the car and made her way to the one of the older red brick buildings on campus. Before she could get to the front door, a band of steel wrapped around her waist and an ice cold hand clamped over her mouth. Fear and panic swarmed inside her as she was pulled into the shadows and pushed up against the side of the building. Her eyes went wide at the sight of her attacker.

"Don't scream, alright?" A male voice pleaded. Bella didn't move, but her eyes lit up with righteous indignation as her temper flared. "Bella, please, I'm not going to hurt you."

She huffed. _Not hurt her?_ She could feel her skin bruising from his tight grip. As if he could read her mind—which she knew he couldn't—he released her and stepped away. Not enough for her to get away, just enough that he wasn't pressing her into the wall.

He ran a shaky hand through his hair, taking a deep breath. The moment he did, though, he groaned and backed away from her, panic etched on his pale face. His eyes were black when he looked into hers.

"What the fuck is wrong with you, Edward!" Bella screeched. He winced at her language.

"Bella, love, please—"

"Don't you dare call me that!"

He held up his hands in surrender. "Please, Bella, I just need to talk to you."

Her heart clenched in her chest. Despite the absence, the lies, the deceit, even the hurt and the knowledge that she loved Jacob more, he still had the power to make her feel pity.

She sighed as she crossed her arms across her chest.

Edward stared at her for several beats before he could find the words to speak. For a moment, this scene was all too familiar. She watched Edward closely. Three and a half years ago, she'd so easily believed everything he said. But now she could see the same body language she saw that day in the woods. She tensed, waited for the pain. It didn't come, but she was sure his next words would be a lie.

"Bella, you're in danger. You need to stay away from him."

She frowned and fought the urge to scream at him. Through gritted teeth she said, "No."

He sighed, like she was a small child who didn't understand. She bristled.

"Love—"

"I said not to call me that. You lost that right."

Edward winced. "You're right. I'm sorry."

A few tense seconds ticked by. Finally Edward moved closer to her, his voice laced with desperation. "But everything I've ever done was to protect you."

Bella snorted. "Edward, you made me believe Jacob was dead, how was _that_ protecting me?"

He hesitated. There was something he wasn't telling her.

A sad crooked smile tilted his lips. "I'm sure I was supposed to feel relief if I ever made you hate me and chose a human life, but—"

"Edward," she said sharply. His pained look caused her to soften though and she added, "Please, don't. I don't want to talk about that."

He nodded.

"Tell me why you're here, Edward, before I get really pissed."

He grimaced and then said, "I told you, Bella. You're in danger. And you need to stay away from Jacob."

Fire lit her chocolate eyes until they turned into smoldering black ash.

"Jake would never hurt me." She swore they'd had this same conversation when they were still together.

Edward shook his head violently and stepped closer to her. "That's not what I'm talking about." His whole expression shifted into something murderous. "That monster won't stop until you're his."

A shiver skittered along her spine. "What are you talking about? Who?"

"Aro."

Her lungs stopped working, the whole world fell away. She couldn't breathe, couldn't think about anything except that vampire's red iris, the leer in his eyes like a hungry lion, the screams from innocent humans echoing in the ancient space. She swallowed hard and tried to fight back the images.

Edward rushed on, finally having captured her attention. He grabbed her shoulders and shook her. "Bella, are you listening to me. He's coming. And if you stay with Jake, he'd going to die."

She stubbornly shook her head. "No, Jake will protect me. We'll go home, he—"

"Bella!" Edward shook her with jarring force, his hands dug into her skin. "Why can't you ever listen? Jake can't protect you. Not from this. Aaron—"

Her eyes widened into saucers. "Aaron? What—"

"He was meant to protect you," Edward said through gritted teeth. "I should have known he'd fall in love with you too."

Bella jerked back like he'd slapped her and hot angry tears spilled from her eyes. She tried desperately to wrench herself free, but Edward's grip was like steel bands. "Let me go."

He didn't budge.

"What was your plan Edward? To manipulate me into coming to Florida? Why?"

There was long tense moment of silence between them before Edward finally let go of her arms. He leaned into her and spoke with a fierce edge to his words. "Bella I have always loved you. I will always love you. I am flawed, I can admit that. But everything I've ever done was to protect you," he paused and then his voice was soft, ominous. "I know you wouldn't survive with someone's blood on your hands. If you knew you could have saved them."

And then he was gone. Bella fell back against the brick wall. She wasn't sure what to feel or think. She was in danger, that much Edward and Jacob had always agreed on. She didn't trust Edward. He was just using her need to protect Jacob. But why? Despite the rivalry between them, she had once believed Edward at least trusted Jacob with her safety. This didn't add up. There was something else. Some other piece to the puzzle.

And she was going to figure it out.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

"You know you're going to have to tell Jake, right Bella?" Embry said when he picked her up. They'd been in the car about ten minutes, and she was deep in thought about what Edward had said.

She frowned. "Tell him what?"

Embry laughed. "Why you smell like a vampire."

Bella's eyes went wide. _Shit_, she had forgotten about that. Her only hope was that Jake wouldn't be home, and she could shower while she came up with a plan. Maybe she could convince Embry to keep his mouth shut until then.

They pulled into the parking lot of Jake's apartment and she frantically searched for his bike.

"Shit," she muttered. Embry just shook his head and followed her up to the apartment.

"This should be good," he mumbled.

Bella opened the door the find Jake pacing like a caged animal.

"Where the hell have you been!" he yelled when he saw her. They both flinched at the volume of his voice. Jake's face crumpled and he dropped to his knees. He wrapped his arms tightly around her waist, pushing his face into her stomach. "I'm sorry, okay? I'm so sorry. It's only ever been you, Bells. I just—"

He looked up, his dark eyes glossy. Bella's heart squeezed painfully in her chest. She slumped forward, wrapping her arms around Jake's broad shaking shoulders and rested her head against his. He took a deep shaky breath and then froze.

Bella stilled, holding her breath.

"Why do you smell like _him_?" Jake growled. He didn't move, didn't release her. When she didn't answer, Jake pulled away, loosening his arms around her middle, and looked up into her wide brown eyes. "Bella. Why do I smell that fucking bloodsucker on you?"

Bella swallowed hard. "Edward came to see me. He…surprised me outside of my class."

Jake's nostrils flared. He dropped his arms from around her and rose to his full height. Fury and rage rippled along his taut muscles, and pulsed from the vein in his neck. His words were clipped. Hushed.

"Why?"

Bella bit her lip. She knew that Jake would never hurt her. She knew that. But this angry shaking man in front of her was suddenly more beast than man. And it scared her.

Jake couldn't think rationally right now. Hell, he couldn't even see straight he was so furious. And, if he was honest with himself, terrified. Edward coming back at the worst possible time was a situation he knew all too well. The possibilities were sending him into a full on panic.

Which made him—and his wolf—all the more angry.

Bella spoke slowly, softly. "He wanted to warn me."

Jake's fist clenched into tight fist at his side as he growled low in his throat.

She rushed on. "He said I was in danger. That Aro was coming. That you couldn't protect me."

Jake exploded in anger, his fist connected with the wall. Bella jumped and covered her ears.

"That son of a bitch," Jake cursed. Leah walked in then, her eyes wide when she took in the scene. Bella was shaking, hard, trembling like a leaf, tears streamed down her cheeks.

And Jake was vibrating, his whole shape blurring as he tried to restrain the caged beast that raged inside.

"Jake, man, let's—"

He pulled his arm away from Embry and turned his almost black eyes back on Bella. Suddenly, his whole face changed, scrunching in pain. Nausea swirled in his gut.

She was scared.

He had scared her.

"Bells, I—" he swallowed hard and took one step towards her. He shook his head. He was angry and disgusted with himself, with Edward, with this whole fucked up supernatural bullshit that both of them had been forced into.

He knew it was just as much his fault as it was Edward's that she was involved.

And then his mind flashed to the night she left him to go save Edward in Italy. It was the first time she'd chosen the vampire over him, but it was also the moment, she became even more in danger.

If she wouldn't have gone, Aro would have never known of her existence.

His anger spiked again. Maybe it was more that fucking bloodsucker's fault.

The pack would have taken care of Victoria, and Bella's be safe.

_Maybe_, he thought. He thought back to that bloody battle. How much the pack had needed the Cullen's help.

His anger mixed with his confusion and regret in a stomach curdling cocktail.

If Edward wouldn't have left her in the first place…

He couldn't think that. He might have never gotten close to her. And even with all the pain and heartbreak, he'd never regret the time he had with her.

"Bella, I'm sorry, I—"

He raked a still shaking hand through his shaggy hair. "He makes me so fucking angry."

Bella took a stuttering breath, but didn't say anything or make any attempt to move.

His eyes stayed locked on her. He sighed, as a little bit of his anger dissipated.

Maybe if the Cullens would have never returned to Forks everything would have been different.

No wolves. No red-headed vampires with a vendetta. No ancient monster hunting Bella.

No Edward fucking Cullen to muck up everything.

He remembered what he'd said to her that day after the fight when he laid broken in his bed and she'd broken his heart. Again.

If there was no monsters, no magic, this—Bells and Jake—would have been their natural path.

He'd once foolishly believed there was nothing that his love for her couldn't defeat.

But now, he wasn't sure if they could even figure it out amongst the wreckage. If she'd been right back then. If all that stood between them was just too much. An eclipse.

Jake shook his head again, then turned away from her and stalked out the front door.

Bella fell to her knees as sobs wracked her tiny frame. She took huge gulping breaths of air as her chest threatened to open up. As every wound opened back up.

Embry followed Jake out the front door, and Leah, in a surprisingly soft and tender voice, crouched down next her, gathered her in her arms, and whispered in her ear, "Shh, Bella. Let's get you a shower and in bed. He'll be back."

Bella let Leah help her to her feet and into Jake's bathroom. Leah turned on the hot spray of water.

"When?" Bella whispered.

Leah turned back to Bella. The hard bitter shell that usually exuded from Leah was gone. There was sympathy and understanding shining in her dark eyes.

"When he figures his shit out. He'll be back."

Everything inside Bella clenched tight. Her heart and her head ached. A thousand thoughts raced through her head, but she only clung to a few.

_I have to figure out what Edward is hiding._

_I have to save us all._

_I love Jake. _

_I won't leave. _

_I can't let him give up on us. On me._

_I won't._


End file.
